Full Moon issue #15
Hello wonderful people,
Where did 2025 go? If you're wondering how we could possibly already be in November, you're not alone. I'm right there with you! 2025 has certainly been, so far, a ride of discomfort, discovery, learning, struggling, doubting, preparing the soil, and choosing new seeds to plant. Where I live, I felt the weather shift. Winter is indeed coming, as it does every year, and it's supposed to be a cold one up here. I am looking forward to the quiet that snow brings, the slowing down essential to be able to safely walk on icy surfaces, and the growth that can only happen when I let myself truly rest during the long nights. This year has not been entirely what I was hoping for, but it has brought so many unexpected gifts, alongside the challenges, and for these I am deeply grateful. Most importantly, maybe, this year has brought a level of self-knowledge and self-acceptance that I had previously struggled with. A little more about this journey is in the reflection corner below. For now, here's our agenda for this issue.
Here's the agenda for what you will find in this email!
Reflection corner: it is what it is...
Events and Projects
Let's support each other: fundraisers and mutual aid requests
Some things I am enjoying in my free time
May this Full Moon bring us the kind of peace that comes from deep acceptance of ourselves, from surrender to the present moment, and from the certainty of impermanence. May you find spaciousness in letting go of the past, freedom in endings, and potentiality in rest.
Please, as always, read on and feel free to hit reply to let me know what you think, or what you'd like me to reflect on in future issues. Even when I do not manage to reply, please know I read them all eventually. Your questions, comments, and, above all, YOU are always welcome here.
Reflection corner
It is what it is…
As we get closer to the end of this year, I have been really struggling with feelings of failure. The to-do lists seem to never get checked off in their entirety, the emails keep piling up, and my previous ability to push myself to the point of exhaustion seems to be completely defunct. This year has been one of those full of NAFGOs (not another f*&^!@g growth opportunity) but it has also brought some amazing moments, such as being asked to be one of the plenary speakers at the AASECT conference back in June, writing a short piece for the Psychotherapy Networker, which was definitely #goals, and being invited to present both at the virtual PESI Spirituality in Psychotherapy Summit in December, and the Psychotherapy Networker Symposium next March! I'm also getting ready to teach a path with the fabulous Jane Meredith for Worldwide Witchcamp, which starts today, and I have just shared a sweet virtual celebration for Il Giorno dei Morti with my fabulous friend Owen Marciano.
There have also been beautiful deepenings of existing and new friendships and collaborations, and this month I am going to do so many book events, which feels like an incredible privilege, especially as some of them are with people whose work I find essential and brilliant, such as Lucie Fielding and Mel Cassidy, authors of Trans Sex (2nd Edition) and Radical Relating respectively, at bookstores that are providing incredible community spaces in a number of regions. Oh, and I almost forgot that, as well as having had two books published with Jessica Kingsley in early 2025, How To Understand Your Relationships, co-authored with MJ Barker, and the edited anthology Trans and Disabled, my wonderful friend and colleague Lior Effinger-Weintraub and I have secured a contract with North Atlantic Books to finish and publish the book we started writing back in 2019-2020, Do Conflict Better: a trauma-informed guide. And I haven't even mentioned some of the amazing work done with and for AAMFT on the Gender-Affirming Care Guidelines for Working Systemically with Trans, Nonbinary, and Gender Expansive People, and the new certificates on Affirmative Systemic Therapy with LGBTQIA+ Clients and on Foundations of Gender-Affirming Care.
I feel like I am bragging, which wasn't my intention when I started writing, but it does certainly seem illogical to feel like a failure when I list all these blessings and achievements, quite frankly! However, our brains aren't always the most logical of creatures, right?! As a therapist, especially a neurodivergent trauma therapist, I know how powerful that negativity bias can be, how much easier it is to pay attention to everything that goes wrong rather than focus on what is going well, or even brilliantly. I also know that one of the most powerful antidotes to negativity bias is cultivating gratitude, which is, of course, easier said than done, especially when my trauma brain likes to party, and remind me of all the things I'm not doing well, or at all, at 3am! This is why, at times, I need to make lists, or give myself reminders that it's ok to have over 1,000 unanswered emails in my inbox, or to have missed a deadline or two, or even an opportunity. Those lists help me put things in perspective so I can reconnect with gratitude and, even when there's nothing that has been achieved, or that seems worth celebrating, I remember what a spiritual director told me when I was 18 years old: come back to gratitude for your breath, right here and now.
I'm here, I'm alive, and this is not something I take for granted for so many reasons that I won't go into here, and I'm getting better at being radically honest with myself. I'm getting faster at interrupting the spiraling so that I can come back to a place where I can say to myself: this is what's happening, this is real, this is what it is, now what will you do? What is under your control, and what is not?
It seems like such a simple practice but, for me, it's as powerful as nurturing gratitude. Coming back to my breath and remembering that this moment is here, it's real, it is what it is, and I can show up to it with judgement, or curiosity and compassion. If I can do the latter, it becomes much easier to discern what is under my control, and what it is not. I have also become better at accepting that there are no shortcuts, no easy fixes, or magical solutions to the pressure of living under late-stage capitalism, and the realities of living in an aging, disabled bodymind. I'm trying, imperfectly of course, to accept that I cannot keep extracting from my bodymind as if it were an infinite resource. In fact, when I do so, I am reinforcing the same systems I am trying so hard to dismantle. If I don't rest, it only serves capitalism, and not me. I'm so grateful for the incredible work and teachings of theologian and writer Tricia Hersey about rest in service to liberation. If I keep treating my bodymind as a commodity, I'm not honoring the realities of my bodymind and, by doing so, I'm not recognizing my own wholeness just as I am or honoring sustainability, both principles that are part of Disability Justice, a framework I'm deeply indebted to, and that I try to live by everyday, as much as I am able.
I'm here, I'm breathing, I'm whole. This is what it is. My bodymind is what it is, at this particular moment. My capacity is what it is. My dreams are what they are. Opportunities come and go, but this bodymind is all I have in this lifetime. My family, friends, community, spiritual life, ancestors, and myself deserve my time, my care, my attention, devotion, and, above all, my integrity. It is what it is, as a phrase, helps me remember to be here, to be honest, and to choose what I will do with my one wild and precious life, as Mary Oliver would put it. Will I squander it wishing for things to be different, or will I start from where I am, trying to be radically honest with myself and those around me about my skills and limitations, my hopes and fears, my capacity and my desires so that we can build something solid together? What's in my control, what's not. Breathing in, breathing out. Present, grateful, tired, and yet still here, still hopeful, still dreaming, still building.
events and projects
Dr Sophia Graham, of Love Uncommon, and I collaborated to create an asynchronous course on Mapping Your Relationship Ecosystem. As newsletter subscribers you also get a discount if you use the code mail25 if you choose to buy the course. You can find out more here, and register here.
Although we had to sadly postpone the sex therapy training my colleagues and I were planning in Portland, November is full of book events, so I will still be going out west! I will have a little time around the book events in both Portland and Seattle by the way. If you would like me to do something while I'm out there, especially if you have a budget, and an audience, please let me know asap. Thanks!
I will be at Always Here in Portland on November 18th with Lucie Fielding. This event is hybrid so you can still attend even if you're not in Portland! Lucie and I will be together again for an event in Seattle at Charlie's Queer Books on November 21st. I am also elated to have been invited by Mel Cassidy to be in conversation with them about their new book, Radical Relating, at Charis Booksfor a virtual event on November 19th. It's free but registration is required through this link. Finally, I will have one more event by myself in Seattle at Elliott Bay Book Company on November 24th.
The new season of Gender Stories has begun! You can find episode 87, Radical Relating with Mel Cassidy here, episode 88, Relationality in a F*****d World with Dean Spade here, and episode 89, Navigating Conscious Marketing with Tristan Katz here. Next episode will be out early next week! Subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts not to miss new episodes, if you haven't done so already. I promise those are conversations with amazing folks and not to be missed!
As and when I can, I am still recording videos for my little YouTube series, Warm Take Wednesdays with Dr Alex Iantaffi. You can watch the third episode here, called Is There a Gender Ideology? The answer might surprise you (or not), or listen to it wherever you listen to podcasts! I hope to release one at least every 2 weeks soon!
Want me to speak about a particular topic on the new YouTube series or my old podcast, please let me know!
My process of mapping out my commitments is ongoing and dynamic, so if you want to collaborate or bring me to your community, please let me know!
Would you like me to do an event at your local, independent bookstore or hire me to speak somewhere? Please contact me directly for bookstore events or media queries, hire me through this speakers bureau for speaking events, or check out my website for more information on speaking engagements alexiantaffi.com, or email me at admin@alexiantaffi.com Thanks!
Let’s support each other!
Remember: we keep each other safe, healthy and creative!
My wonderful friend Courtney, who is already an amazing herbalist, is expanding their queer healing services by pursuing further training as a bodyworker and acupuncturist. However, learning is expensive, and us trans, nonbinary & gender expansive folks are often underemployed and underappreciated. Can you please support their fundraiser to help them with school costs? They are almost halfway there, let's get them over the finish line! We need queer healing spaces and providers more than ever! Let's show love and support to a community member who gives generously of their time, knowledge, and skills. Thank you!
My beloved friend Billy Navarro Jr is STILL 25% short of making their goal, even after reducing the total amount of the fundraiser. Can we please help them get through that finish line community?! He's one of the most generous people I know and gives so much to the community, especially children and young people. I hope we can show up for Billy as he keeps showing up for everyone around them everyday! Let's bring the community love friends and help this fundraiser finally reach the goal!
If you feel moved to donate to trans-led organizations, given the ongoing rise of anti-trans rhetoric, legislation, and hate, check out the Transgender Law Center, which has several, amazing projects going, including an Action for Transformation Fund, as well as the Trans Justice Funding Project, which supports trans-led grassroots efforts in the so-called United States and US Territories.
In this time of polycrisis, it can be difficult to figure out where to put your resources. If you have some funds to spare, Save the Children might be worth considering since they operate in several countries.
Please let me know if there is a fundraiser, either personal or for an organization, that you would like me to lift up in this section! Thanks!
Some things I am exploring in my free time
Please note that none of these links are sponsored. If I ever advertise something as an affiliate, I will make it very clear! Thanks!
A new season of Dancing with the Stars is on, and I'm so here for it! Studying ballroom again for the past two years has meant watching the show through a different lens, which has only added to my enjoyment.
Speaking of ballroom dancing, I'll be performing my first choreographed piece at the next showcase at North Shore Ballroom Studio in January! I'm so nervous but my teacher reassures me that I'm learning a new choreo in record time & that she is challenging me because I'm capable of rising to it (and want to!). I'm looking forward to dancing to What it Sounds Like from the movie soundtrack for K-Pop Demon Hunters.
I adopted a 4 and half months old puppy, a miniature poodle I believe, from a local rescue and renamed him Caramello. He's the sweetest, smartest, and most loyal little being. Here's a couple of photos for your timeline because puppies make everything better! These were from his first day as part of our family, two weeks ago.
If you made it this far, thank you! I hope you have found this interesting, useful or enjoyable in some way. If so, feel free to pass this on to a friend or, better yet, pass on the link to subscribe directly! Thank you for being here!
Let’s keep opening our hearts to one another (with consent and when it’s safe enough to do so) and transform our perspectives together!
Alex