Full Moon issue #16
Hello wonderful people,
As I write this I wonder how your heart is. Personally, I know very few people who have had an easeful 2025, and I truly hope you're one of those few. In case you're not, I am not sure if you're eager to say goodbye to it, or if you are trying to stretch the time to get more done before the next Gregorian calendar year begins. I know I'm feeling a bit of both, ready to move forward while also slowing down to look back for longer. Wherever this newsletter finds you, I hope you can meet yourself with compassion and care.
If you're finding this time of the year challenging, like I do, I started a 12 days of somatic self-attunement brief practices that I am posting both on Instagram and on my YouTube channel. Another thing that helps me stay grounded during this time is to go through the YearCompass, a tool I find very helpful (and that's free & available in many languages).
2026 will see me offering some new ways to work with me to therapists, coaches, allied healthcare professionals, new clients, and the general public. These will include relationship intensives, a practitioners' network co-facilitated with Dr Sophia Graham of Love Uncommon, a new certification, and public lectures on YouTube, to name a few.
If you'd like to know about the new offerings as they are announced, but don't necessarily want to read my long essays, don't worry. I am starting a Substack to hold more of my writing (because let's face it, these newsletters are getting way too long!), and a Signal group for announcements, including availability for supervision, taking on new clients, and any other classes and courses offered. I would be the only one posting so you don't need to worry about being overwhelmed by messages back and forth.
For now, this is my last newsletter of the year before I turn inwards to reflect more on the last year, continue planning for 2026, slow down to be with my hearth, and take a little time to try and rest.
Here's the agenda for what you will find in this newsletter!
Reflection corner: Reflecting on a year of uncomfortable practices
Events and Projects
Let's support each other
Some things I am enjoying in my free time
May this New Moon and Winter Solstice hold you gently, remind you of your sacred wholeness, and bring you warmth.
May you gaze at your own reflections as beloved mirrors of your journeys.
May you know yourselves in all of your parts and love them all unconditionally.
Please, as always, read on and feel free to hit reply to let me know what you think, or what you'd like me to reflect on in future writing here or on Substack. Even when I do not manage to reply, please know I read them all eventually. Your questions, comments, and, above all, YOU are always welcome here.
Reflection corner
Reflecting on a year of uncomfortable practices
It's that time of the year, where I live, when it's hard not to slow down, turn inwards, and harvest the lessons of the past few months. The ground is covered in snow, the days are shorter and increasingly colder, and the fire beckons to sit down with a cup of tea and reflect. So here I am, sharing some of my current thoughts and feelings with you. If you've been here a little while, you probably know this hasn't been an easy year for me. It hasn't been the hardest either, to be honest, but it has been a year of change, uncertainty, exhaustion, unexpected challenges, and discomfort. You'd think I couldn't wait for it to be over but, actually, I wish the days would slow down a bit and give me more time to truly sit with the lessons that are gently emerging from the fog (plus getting more things done, to be honest). I want more time to dream, to struggle, to let clarity emerge at its own pace... However, that is not how time works. Time doesn't bend to our will or desires, it just is, as so many other things in nature: not good or bad, not fast or slow, not friend or enemy. The meaning we give to it, of course, it's another story.
So, I try to slow down, since time will keep doing its thing, and to change my own relationship with it. In fact, it has been a year of changing my relationship to many things: my work, my bodymind, my family, my daily habits, my ancestors, my self/selves, relationships, land, vulnerability, creativity, writing, healing, capitalism, resources, community, dancing, cooking, and purpose. In many ways, I'm not surprised as I write this list. Life changes give us the opportunity to crack the boxes we put ourselves in wide open. How we respond to these invitations is up to us. As I reflect on how I responded, with as much gentleness, non-judgement, and curiosity as I can manage, on a good day, I notice that, at times, I have kicked and screamed against the changes, while others I have embraced them as the most treasured guest, and many more times, I have had a mixture of reactions, thoughts, and emotions I will likely unpack for quite some time.
For now, I just want to share a few uncomfortable practices I have tried to embrace, very imperfectly (and humanely so), this year. I truly believe that the more we share vulnerably with each other, as, when, and if we feel safe enough to do so, the more we find ways of coming back to ourselves, to our humanity, to the web of interdependence that holds us, and to all that coloniality and capitalism rob us of on a daily basis.
I'm also sadly aware that those of us who are most marginalized in dominant culture are often the least safe when it comes to sharing authentically, and that vulnerability is forced non-consensually on us through systems of power, privilege, and oppression. Please know that everything I share here, or elsewhere, I do so with as much intention as I can and with the support and care of those around me, for which I'm grateful beyond words.
For now, here are seven practices I have tried to embrace more deeply, differently, or for the first time, throughout 2025, and a few words about what that has looked like in my own life. These are not recommendations, or things that might look the same for you as they do for me, they're just lessons I'm trying to learn, often over and over again! Let's start with the hardest one!
Doing less. Most of the time this lesson has been forced upon me due to my disabilities and the state of the world, honestly. You could say I did not choose it, it chose me! I had to change or cancel plans so much more often than I would wish, which has meant dealing with my own dread of disappointing people or, worse, letting them down. Sometimes I even forgot to change or cancel the plans, which is even worse! I am starting to embrace this practice less begrudgingly and more proactively. I am trying to savor what opportunities doing less opens up, and to appreciate that when I do less, cliche as it is, I can be more: more present, more grounded, more connected, more creative, more joyful, more peaceful, more me. However, the vast majority of the time, I am definitely still kicking and screaming against this one. Let's keep it real: there is how I want to feel about it, and how I actually feel about it. They're not the same.
Slowing down. This is not a new practice for me, but it's still a challenging one. My thoughts move so fast that my writing or speaking can hardly keep up with them most of the time. Other times though they move like molasses that force me to be careful, or fireflies I cannot catch. In many ways, doing less goes hand in hand with this practice of slowing down. However I am really trying to experiment with slowing down even when I am doing more, when I am well and can move faster than on the harder days. I remember to give myself time to pause and take a breath (or even two or three) in between tasks, as well as during them. I start my mornings more slowly. I move slower through my days whenever I can manage it. Slowing down is something I have always loved but that it also feels harder to remember when I need it the most. Even when I was little, I loved the lesson of this popular Italian song by Bruno Lauzi, La Tartaruga, praising the gifts of going slower. Apparently this is one of these life-long, hard yet core practices for me.
Honoring my bodymind. More and more I keep learning that if I don't do this, things don't go well for me honestly! So I try to check in with myself more. What do I need? How can I give myself some care and support today? What care and support do I need to ask from others? I am also trying to listen to my bodymind even when it's hard, when it means missing out on doing fun things with my kids, or canceling a trip and book events I had planned so I don't get even sicker, if I am already struggling with new symptoms, or a really intense flare (or both). Sometimes honoring my bodymind also looks like forgiving myself for the meltdowns that happen when I have failed to slow down enough for a little while, or when I am on new medications, or when life under late-stage capitalism is relentless. It means understanding that I need both routine and flexibility, consistency and novelty, that my bodymind is dynamic and that meeting my needs is a dance, and a conversation. It means learning how to be a good and calm follower / receiver of my bodymind as leader and giver of information, to use language I have learned from my dance teachers. Deepening my practice as a ballroom dancer is bringing new insights to this for me as well.
Developing a new relationship with money. This is still a work in progress for me, so I am not sharing much here since I am still understanding what it means. For much of my life I have operated in survival mode. When I have had more money, I have used it and I have shared it, and when I have had less, I used the tools I learned growing up and I managed. I never saved much because tomorrow is not promised, and if someone needs something, and I can help, why wouldn't I do so? Or why wouldn't I treat my loved ones to things that delight them when I am able? As I get older, slower, and more disabled though, my capacity is diminishing, a little faster than I would wish. I have also gathered more joyful obligations and responsibilities towards my family, including my queer family. I have spent much of this year not making much money at all, and it has been scary (and still is). I have been grateful for having access to a little bit of funds that gave me a year to focus on my health, and to keep paid work to a minimum. I have also been stressed because I knew the funds would run out, and it's hard to shift out of survival mode when this is all we have known for so long. I kept feeling the pressure to “figure it out”, even if the need was not as immediate as it had been in the past. The lessons are brewing, like I said earlier, and I will share more when I can. For now, I'll share that, even though my values are anti-capitalist, I still need money to survive in this world as it is, especially if I want to keep having the capacity to show up in all the ways I have (and want to). This is something I knew already, but there is a whole new layer unfolding around needing to increase rates for my one-to-one work, which has both been challenging and it has also opened up new ways of thinking about my work, transparency, capacity, and community balance. More as I find words to express what I am learning.
Balancing my own needs with the needs of those around me. Growing up I learned that my safety depended on making sure that other people's needs, wants and expectations were prioritized. Many of us, especially if we were parentified children, deal with this. I know this from my friendships, my communities, and my therapeutic work. This means that I often find myself to be at the bottom of my list when it comes to priorities, daily actions and choices. I am grateful to have co-created a household when I no longer need to do this, yet the practice is hard and uncomfortable. Yet, if I don't do this, I become exhausted, depleted, extra judgmental and, eventually, resentful, and nobody benefits from this! There is a lot of evaluating that goes with this practice. What is a need and what is a want, both for me and others? How do I move away from more extractive relationships so I can move more closely to mutual ones where there is a rhythm of give and take that honors everyone as much as possible? When do I stretch because I need or want to, and when do I over-function out of habit? It can be exhausting, but it's also leading to much more nurturing relationships.
Making pleasure and creativity priorities. I almost didn't include this one because it seems so self-indulgent, especially during a year that has been, and continues to be, so hard for so many! However, I do believe that pleasure and creativity are part of our birthright and that capitalism and colonial thinking rob us of these practices to sell them back to us as commodities, and I no longer want to buy into this fallacy. I was brought up by a card-carrying communist, labor-organizing father and I learned early on that we all deserve bread AND roses. Making pleasure and creativity priorities in my life right now has meant dancing more, both at home and in the studio, cooking when I can by asking for more help with tasks like chopping and peeling, or buying pre-prepped ingredients when I can, and making time for solo sex, for writing poetry, for coloring, and doodling, and singing melodies known and emerging. All those practices bring me back to myself and help me show up in my own life differently. They help me be more present, more fun, more resourced, and less resentful. They are a need, and not a desire or a commodity. They cannot be bought, although money sure helps with some of these practices, and they are essential. I want more pleasure and creativity for everyone because they are healing. Pleasure and creativity remind us that we are interdependent, part of an ecosystem, beloved, and, most of all for me, that being embodied is a gift that is temporary. The latter reminder feels so important when too many people in my communities had that gift snatched away before their time by all manners of systemic violence. So I dance, cook, sing, write poems, color, watch movies, play games, sleep, touch, and expand into my potential for pleasure and creativity, as much or as little as I am able, breaking patterns too many of my ancestors couldn't, with gratitude, and devotion.
Embracing visible vulnerability in process. Being visible is something that has been scary for me in the past, because of trauma and systemic oppression, and it has been even scarier this year because of the world being what it is. I know that I do write and try to show up as vulnerably as I can, but I also know how much I have been holding back over the years. All the poems, short stories, half-written books, songs, drawings, and wounds that I have kept more closely guarded, even hidden not only from others but from myself as well. I have been trying to take more risks this year by starting to write things I hadn't given myself permission to write about, by sharing some of my poems, by singing more openly, and by showing my internal processes and mess more, not just on social media but also when I am speaking, teaching, mentoring, and with my loved ones. I do this as intentionally as I can, and within the ethical boundaries of the various relationships and spaces I move through. I am also trying to no longer make myself small for other people's comfort though, or out of fear of judgement. This newsletter has been part of this journey too, and I am so grateful for all of you who have taken the time to share when things have resonated with you. Thank you. The substack I announced earlier in this issue will be a place where I will keep experimenting and exploring the edges of this ongoing practice. If you find this newsletter too long, this choice will also, hopefully, be a relief, since I will try to save the longer essays, like this one, for that platform!
As part of looking back, I also looked at the manifesto I wrote about a year ago and shared in my first newsletter of 2025, and I'm proud to notice how these practices, no matter how challenging and uncomfortable, have aligned with my values. I feel grounded in the integrity of my ethics, no matter how imperfect the practices, and that is all I can ask for, on a good day.
events and projects
Dr Sophia Graham, of Love Uncommon, and I collaborated to create an asynchronous course on Mapping Your Relationship Ecosystem. Right now it is reduced by 50% until the end of 2025. Just use the code Holiday50. Also, if you register by the end of December, you will get access to a Q&A Live with Sophia and I on 16th January 2026 at 7pm UK, 8pm CET, 2pm EST, 1pm Central, 11am PST. Don't worry if you cannot make that date though, since we will record it. Just send us your questions in advance if you cannot be there live. You can find out more and register here. If you're wondering what mapping your relationship ecosystem means, you can watch a short video about the course on my YouTube channel here.
On January 7th, at 6.30pm CST (4.30pm PST / 7.30pm EST), my dear friend and fellow QT Owen Marciano (of Nonna Terra) and I will host our first virtual Queering Italian Magic Salon to talk about the tradition of La Befana. After that, we will meet every first Wednesday to explore more topics and might even have special guests for a few of those. These salons are part of the preparation and community building towards our joint queer spiritual pilgrimage to southern Italy next February 2027 for the Candelora. You can register here for our first salon on La Befana.
On February 21st and 22nd, 2026, my wonderful colleague Dr. Mackenzie Steiner and I will co-facilitate the first Foundations Training online for our new t4t somatic skills program, the Collective Alchemy of Gender Liberation. We have a sliding scale three-tiers price structure and, if that doesn't work, we are happy to offer scholarships. Nobody will be turned away for lack of funds. Please help us spread the word about this training by and for trans folks, thank you. The next episode of my podcast Gender Stories will be a vulnerable conversation between Mackenzie and I about this project!
I will be part of the faculty at the Psychotherapy Networkers Symposium in Washington D.C. in March 2026! I am presenting a workshop on Friday, entitled Therapy Beyond Binaries: Working with Diverse Genders, Sexualities, & Neurotypes. The symposium can be attended in person or online and registration is already open.
I also had the honor to be interviewed, alongside some incredible therapists, for this wonderful article written by Alicia Muñoz for the Psychotherapy Networker magazine. You can read or listen to it here. I talked both about the enforced resilience many of us are experiencing and why pleasure is still important when we're facing oppressive and challenging times.
I am starting a small group mentorship for therapists who want to deepen their practice in alignment with their values, and one for therapists who want to combine sex therapy with somatic approaches. If you're interested in being part of the first cohorts, please contact me at alex@alexiantaffi.com. I might respond in early January but don't hesitate to contact me.
Want me to speak about a particular topic on the new YouTube series or my old podcast, please let me know!
My process of mapping out my commitments is ongoing and dynamic, so if you want to collaborate or bring me to your community, please let me know!
Would you like me to do an event at your local, independent bookstore or hire me to speak somewhere? Please contact me directly for bookstore events or media queries, hire me through this speakers bureau for speaking events, or check out my website for more information on speaking engagements alexiantaffi.com, or email me at admin@alexiantaffi.com Thanks!
Let’s support each other!
Remember: we keep each other safe, healthy and creative!
As I'm sure you know, since it has been all over the news, ICE has been harassing, and detaining our Somali neighbors in Minnesota. If you can, please donate to community-based organizations, such as ISUROON. For news on the ground about what is happening, you can follow one of our incredible candidates for the Minnesota Senate, Zaynab Mohamed. She has been posting regularly on her Instagram to show what is happening and share how to support the community's efforts.
If you feel moved to donate to trans-led organizations, given the dangerous escalation of anti-trans rhetoric, legislation, and hate, check out the Transgender Law Center, which has several wonderful projects going on, and the Trans Justice Funding Project, which supports trans-led grassroots efforts in the so-called United States and US Territories.
A new offering brought to you by the wonderful colleagues at Love Uncommon and UK-based Daniel Morrison, Coming Home is an eight week online course for therapists and coaches. You'll explore your own nervous system and gain a toolkit to confidently bring this work to clients. Nervous system regulation is foundational work for stability alongside your current modality. In this course you're supported to map, navigate and shape your system with embodied, experiential learning in a small group. You'll create your own user guide for your system, a reminder of how to know what state you're in, what takes you there and what brings you home to safety and connection.
I Giullari di Piazza, the non-profit funded and run by my friend and teacher Alessandra Belloni is doing their end-of-year fundraiser online. If you can, please donate and/or share. She is doing such important work to help nurture Southern Italian sacred traditions across the globe.
I had the pleasure to read and give a little feedback on this oracle deck created by Embodied Leadership coaches at RCF Connects and featuring authentic, vulnerable art celebrating community, creativity, and care.
My wonderful friend Courtney, who is already an amazing herbalist, is planning to expand the queer healing services they provide by pursuing further training as a bodyworker and acupuncturist. However, learning is expensive and us trans, nonbinary & gender expansive folks are often underemployed and underappreciated. Can you please support their fundraiser to help them with school costs? We need queer healing spaces and providers more than ever! Let's show love and support to a community member who gives generously of their time, knowledge, and skills. Thank you!
My beloved friend Billy Navarro Jr is STILL 25% short of making their goal, even after reducing the total amount of the fundraiser. Can we please help them get through that finish line community?! He's one of the most generous people I know and gives so much to the community, especially children and young people. I hope we can show up for Billy as he keeps showing up for everyone around them everyday! Let's bring the community love friends and help this fundraiser finally reach the goal!
Please let me know if there is a fundraiser, either personal or for an organization, that you would like me to lift up in this section! Thanks!
Some things I am exploring in my free time
Please note that none of these links are sponsored. If I ever advertise something as an affiliate, I will make it very clear! Thanks!
I have been binge watching Outlander when I need a little escapism from the horrors, and I have to say that I am so impressed with how they handle so many challenging topics in a historical context. They're a great example, in my opinion, of how historical fiction (well, fantasy historical fiction really, given the time-travel element) does not need to perpetuate bigotry.
I am also watching Yellowjackets, a thriller drama following the same characters across two different timelines (one in the 1990s and one in current times). This series is definitely not for escapism given the traumas depicted, but it does have great representation of PTSD, and it does have a fabulous cast, including the wonderful Nicole Maines, as a recurring character, in season two.
I have been trying to sing more and I have been enjoying using the app Simply Sing to improve my skills and get a little nervous system regulation and joy daily, or nearly so on hard weeks. As someone who benefits from stimming vocally, singing is a very socially acceptable way of doing so!
Finally, I want to give a little shout out to Tristan Katz, Brooke Monaghan, and all the folks in their coaching group Bloom. Your knowledge, wisdom, insights, care, and genuine support have been invaluable throughout 2025, truly. Thank you.
If you made it this far, thank you! I hope you have found this interesting, useful or enjoyable in some way. If so, feel free to pass this on to a friend or, better yet, pass on the link to subscribe directly! Thank you for being here!
Let’s keep opening our hearts to one another (with consent and when it’s safe enough to do so) and transform our perspectives together!
Alex